Wow, it's been so long since I've written on our blog. The main reason why? Waiting is hard. When you're waiting, it's hard to emotionally go where your heart longs to go...imagining who our precious daughter is. What is her name? Where is she from? What does she look like? What is her story? So many unanswered questions. So many "fill-in-the-blanks." It's just extremely hard to go there day after day, week-after-week, month-after-month....year-after-year. So sometimes, I chose just not to go there at all.
God placed adoption on our hearts over 8 years ago. We've been longing and praying for another child for nearly 5 years. We've been in this adoption process since early February 2010. On the waiting list for our referral since January 15, 2011. How much longer to wait? No idea.
There certainly are days when I want to lay down and wallow in self-pity and despair. When that happens, and it does, I pray and ask God to help me actively CHOOSE TRUST. If I truly believe that GOD IS SOVEREIGN, than I need to reach out from the pit and grasp onto God's mighty hand to pull me up and out of doubt and darkness.
He KNOWS when, where, why, how, who, and any other question I throw at him. I praise Him for teaching me (some days kicking and screaming inside), to be still and TRUST Him. And to PRAISE Him. This is something He is starting to impress upon my heart more and more. Praise Him! If I choose to see them, there are many blessings in the waiting.
Here are some of the big ones God has been impressing on me the last week or so:
1. God is using this time to prepare our family, in more ways than we are even aware of. Isaiah has gone from being afraid and nervous to just recently really wanting to know his new sister and praying regularly for her. This is a HUGE blessing that I can't do justice to express. God knew that Isaiah needed TIME.
2. Recognizing how much of a blessing it is to have supportive friends and family to share the journey with. I have found how rare a gift this is and truly pray for forgiveness for the times I've taken it for granted. I praise God for putting such amazing friends and family in our lives. God knew we needed FRIENDS and SUPPORT.
3. God continues to provide for our financial needs with the adoption. We recently looked back over the last year and a half, and realized that God has provided over $19,000 towards bring his little child into our family. These blessings have come through family, friends, church family, a grant, garage sales, cd sales, coin collecting, saving, consigning, gifts, the list goes on and on. God knew we needed FUNDS.
4. I have a wonderful child who is such a great gift from God. It is truly a privilege and blessing to be able to be Isaiah's mom and teacher. I count our time as just the 3 of us a real blessing. Even though we long for #4, I try to treasure each day as just us 3. God knows the plans he has for ISAIAH. God knows what preparation we need to honor Him more in our PARENTING.
5. We have so much. Often I wonder if it's all too much. I worry about what to cook for dinner, but never about if we can EAT dinner. There is an extreme famine spreading through the Horn of Africa right now as I write this. Our daughter's birth mom may right now not have enough to feed herself, much less her children. How can this even be??? Lord, please continue to break my heart for what breaks yours. I so often live in apathy. God knew we needed PERSPECTIVE.
...and many, many more. I look forward to the days where we can learn how our daughter needed this waiting as well.
So, as hard as it might be to say...humbly I thank you, thank you God. For what you have done and continue to do..... in the waiting.
